I’m very good at promoting other people and organisations. It’s what I do in my day role at an environmental charity. It’s what I did as a journalist. I love to learn about others, but does this come at a cost to my own practice?
I struggle to promote myself, particularly in-person. I’m a pretty private person; I’ve had some major life challenges but I don’t wish to share them with the world. I’m not keen on large gatherings such as private views and the like where the need to shine with scintillating stories seems to be expected. My anecdotes are only ever regaled to my closest kin. Yet is being a ‘social butterfly’ the expectation in photographic circles? Perhaps the introverted real me, the me who loves quiet, wide open spaces, and few people is not the ‘me’ I need to be to carve my path in the photography world.
This past week, I have felt a little like the kid who isn’t picked for the rounders team having been pipped to the post for two recent (and local) commissions which, on the face of things, my practice is prime for, and learning of a Uni-related collective and show that again, my work so aligns with and yet I am not included.
Sometimes, when these things collide, niggles set in and FOMO strikes (Fear of Missing Out in case you aren’t sure) or, for me, that it must be something personal; people just don’t like me, I don’t ’shout’ loud enough or my work just isn’t exciting enough.
There is also the knowledge that none of the above is necessarily true. When I first came back to my personal photographic practice in 2012, Eco-conscious photography wasn’t talked about in Cornwall. I don’t mean others weren’t making photographic work relating to the environment, it just hadn’t taken off as it has now, particularly in my sphere of camera-less/analogue interest.
It can only be a good thing - for environmental awareness. But for the quiet ones, the less pushy ones, the ones who are poor on time and a whole host of other barriers, when myriad photo-artists are striving for their niche in the same arena, you know you’ll need to work harder and faster to stay in the game.
But that leads me to why am I making work? If it’s just to be in a game of who gets the attention, then I don’t want to play. I haven’t made any new work for months. In part due to family care circumstances (which will always come before my practice) but also down to the internal deliberations I have about simply adding more photographic ‘stuff’ to the mix. And if I do, is there much point if my photo voice is drowned by the voices of others. Which takes me back to asking myself, why do I feel this irrepressible and irresistible urge to raise awareness of environmental/social issues through photography?
Nothing ever stays the same. And although my words may have an edge of harumph about them, it is only down to being so passionate about photography as a means to highlight the environmental and social matters I care about that I want to be involved in as many things as possible. But this simply isn’t possible.
And although not a social butterfly, I have referred to myself when delivering online lectures as a magpie photographer - an artist who is intrigued by many a ‘shiny’ thing and who loves to follow opportunities where I can.
And I love to share what others are doing through Eco-conscious photo processes-it’s why I founded Photopocene.
For someone who says they are very private, this post actually feels pretty personal. I don’t like to feel envious or imagine I’m being sidelined, but my artist ego occasionally needs rebalancing when negative thoughts push in. It’s important to acknowledge, address and move on from these feelings when they arise - and I don’t think I’ll be alone in this.
Having spent an inspiring day recently with fellow PhD peers, profs and others (yes, I occasionally spoke up while there), a word I am taking away from the inspirational keynote speaker (I did say I would pop it in my pocket and pull it out when needed) is “unapologetic”.
This isn’t in the context of getting away with being rude or offensive but in recognising who you are, how you are and how you move through the world, and embracing all of you.
It will take time, but I want to nurture who I am, through my photography and my art and also make no apology for my often cringy, sometimes goofy, occasionally witty, usually silly but mostly well-intentioned self.
Sometimes you just need to look at something in a new way to recalibrate.
